I Am the Main Character in My Life by Abbie Vanessa

I Am the Main Character in My Life

By Abbie Vanessa

“Not being good enough” mentality is exhausting. Growing up in a very traditional Hispanic household, I had to start breaking old customs and ways of thinking. None of that resonated with me, and it never has. It made me feel uncomfortable, yet I always had to make sure I didn’t let my family down. I felt guilty, not making my family proud or happy with everything I did. I decided to ask myself and other people in my life questions about what they thought about their worries and insecurities. I wondered what discouraged them from either doing what feels right to them. I even asked them about the dating world, and they were worried about not having enough to seem intriguing or valuable. That makes me feel sad, and I hate hearing people talk so low about their value. For one, you are not alive to impress others. You don’t owe anyone anything, and you shouldn’t put that on others.

I use to think so negatively about myself. I would stress over how I looked, overthink everything I did, and worry about all the “expectations” my family had because I’m a Latina and a female. The pressure not to fuck up was high. I’m the youngest and the one who challenges others the most. Growing up, my parents were irritated at how much I questioned and didn’t accept how things were. I believed their way of thinking for a while until I decided to live my life for myself and thought, why do I have to live life the way many do. Most are doing what the “right” way to live life is, and it has never been enjoyable to me.

“Do not allow anyone to take away your growth and discourage you from trying something they feel is impossible to do.”

Related Post: Live Your Life Your Way

I don’t like routine and this “order” we need to follow. Everyone is so different. It would be weird for everyone to do the same thing. I didn’t take the “regular” route in life. I did go to college, but to please others so I wouldn’t start an argument on how I would always struggle if I didn’t go. I changed the way I thought and did what I wanted, and let me tell you I put my all into it. I have my expectations as a person, and its so much fun living a life where you’re the main character and have control. I wake up every day feeling how can I be better today. How can I be better for others but also for myself because I don’t like to have bad energy around me or pass it on to others?  It affects my feeling and others in such a big way. There are so many things I need to do to be the person I want to be but can confidently say that I am a genuine, caring, and talented woman.

I remind myself by looking back and seeing how I was and where I’m at today because I stopped letting others define me. I refused to ask people around me if they were proud because the ones who mattered just told me. You never have to ask the people in your life if you’re “good enough,” they will show you. 

I am not what I do. Not what I own or where I live. It’s how I am as a person that defines me.

I noticed when it comes to dating, and you start to see all of the things that you are insecure about that really shouldn’t even be an issue. For example, I found myself trying to remember all the cool activities I did in life to seem appealing. I started feeling low because I felt like I wasn’t good enough, BUT that’s not who I am. I am not what I do. Not what I own or where I live. Its how I am as a person. I want someone to view me for me, not my property. It took a lot of reflection to get out of this mindset, and it got me thinking about how others are feeling. Also, how they have the pressure to have their life together before bringing someone into it. We can have our perfect lifestyle one day, and get it taken away the next. 

People will always find something new to comment on when you do accomplish what they didn’t expect you to do. I’ve noticed that many people I come across feel stuck in their own life and some hate seeing others around them do better. Do not allow anyone to take away your growth and discourage you from trying something they feel is impossible to do. You have to tell yourself every day that you are proud of everything you’ve created and learned. Give yourself a lot more credit. Now enjoy another day.

Related Posts: Giving My Younger Self the Confidence I Need

There are plenty of people in this world that will adore you and see you as you are with your virtues and your imperfections. Allow yourself to go out and find them, and when you do, keep them close. Love yourself, and don’t let anyone discourage you from doing what you want because it’s not about the path others want for you. Why waste your life on the expectations of others?

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Giving My Younger Self the Confidence I Need By Abbie Vanessa

Giving My Younger Self the Confidence I Need

By Abbie Vanessa

“If you could go back to those moments where you felt attacked in past relationships, what would you tell yourself?” 

I was asked this fascinating question the other day. I was talking about how shitty people were as I was growing up. Oh, how I wished I would have had the confidence that I have now. I could probably write a whole book on all the different times I was too timid to stand up for myself when people disrespected me. There is one instance that I remember the most. I had been dealing with a very toxic person at the time who made me fear for my physical well-being. I walked on eggshells when he was upset because of his reaction to situations frightened me. At that time, the mental damage he could cause didn’t cross my mind.  

“No matter the type of abuse, it leaves a mark in your life.”

Honestly, no matter the type of abuse, it leaves a mark in your life. To this day, there’s a particular situation during that relationship that gets me riled up. As I write about this story, I will refer to my ex as “douche face.” 

Picture it, a cheerful company Christmas party at a beautifully decorated venue. People are enjoying each other’s company, eating good food, a fun photo booth to take pictures with friends, people showing off their dance moves.

Douche face and I sat at the same table with his new boss and boss’s wife. I was chatting it up with the wife, she was super lovely but just stayed at the table. I asked her if she wanted to hit the dance floor. She did, but the music was not her style. I wanted her to have a good time, so I requested the DJ to play a few songs she said she liked. 

Let me tell you, we were having a blast busting moves on the dance floor. She mentioned she liked songs by Selena. The Latina in me screamed with joy and said, “ OHHH MY GOSHHH I LOVE SELENA!” We were enjoying life until douche face comes up to me, grabs my arm, gets close to my ear, and says, “ Remember, you are a lady, so act like it.”

Bitch when I tell you I was fuming…….I stood there for a second to gather my thoughts, knowing I couldn’t say anything in front of everyone. I was so overwhelmed with anger that I had to take a walk, and I lost my shit. My friends at the party cooled me down, but I will never forget that moment. Douche face expected me to be a trophy wife or a robot that just sat there while he did whatever he wanted to. That is not how this was going to play out. 

Don’t you dare give this insecure man any of your tears.”

So, what would I tell myself if I could go back to that very moment?  I would walk up to my younger self, grab my other arm, and say, “ You better dance your little heart out girl. Everything he just told you, brush it off. Don’t you dare give this insecure man any of your tears or reactions. You are a lady, and ladies can do whatever the fuck they want to do, and we live under no one’s shadow. You let that terrible man be miserable and angry by himself.” I’ve learned never to allow a man to mold me into something I’m not. I’m not a toy that’s going to do what you want. 

For the longest time, I thought I had something wrong with me. Wondering how I am supposed to be? GIRL, I WOKE UP ONE DAY AND SAID FUCK THAT DOUCHE FACE. I WILL BE NO ONE’S SHADOW, LET ALONE A MISERABLE BITTER MANS. So, I decided to drop that whole relationship and work on who I wanted to be as a person.

I worked hard for two years, and I feel super stable. I don’t allow anyone to tell me how to be. Not even my momma. And she pooped me out of her body. The point I’m trying to make is that you should find what version of yourself makes YOU the happiest and not allow others to change your views about yourself. 

Unless you are that shitty person, you should probably change and be better.

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