How to Rethink Your Life After Your Lover Betrays You

By Marquesa Lola

How do you rethink your life after your lover betrays you as a newly single 60-year old? 

I am Marquesa Lola, with some thoughts about life from the perspective of a mature, vibrant woman. Yes, my 40-year-old relationship ended over two years ago, You know? Disloyalty and infidelity do ruin relationships. I tried to work things out with my partner, but it was obvious the unconditional trust I once felt in our marriage had vanished. Moreover, he was not too keen on doing much work to fix the relationship. In fact, he realized at one point that he did not love me anymore. He reconnected with his “friend” while I was still trying to heal from the betrayal. I did not realize at the time, but the fact that she took him back would end up being one of the best things that had happened to me in a long time. So this time, he left with her taking our dog with them. However, I realized how much peace I suddenly felt in my life. I sensed I was finally moving on. Moreover, I suddenly was the only person controlling my own life, feeling a sense of empowerment. 

I suddenly was the only person controlling my own life, feeling a sense of empowerment.” 

Now, I am less lonely than I was when I was living with him. When I wake up in the morning now, I smile, thinking I have a new chance in life. No one is around to criticize every move I make. I am now the master of my own destiny, and I have many good friends and excellent family support who fulfill my life.

But in terms of a new relationship with a new man… I’m still cautious. The real issue for me is to find ways to rethink my life and move to reorganize it in a way that it becomes a great life worth living. The happiness that I deserve. 

“I smile, thinking I have a new chance in life.”

Here are SOME TIPS I have learned that are helping me to start all over again and achieving the respect that I deserve: 

1- Learn to first respect yourself. Stand tall and confident, show your worth by developing a strong sense of self-respect that will help you fulfill your potential. You will make everyone around you see you as a person who is worthy of respect. 

2-  Acknowledge the fact that the only person who can make your life great again is you. At times, you may want to go home, stop thinking, and watch TV. This tends to isolate you and doesn’t help you move on. This means you must force yourself to get up, have a shower, get dressed, leave the house, and meet with friends. 

3- Take care of your body and your soul.  Exercise and meditation are great tools that really help you connect with the inner you. If, at times, you get lazy, make plans with a friend so you can be accountable and feel obliged to go. Healthy eating is essential at our age. Balanced meals help you keep alert and active.

4- Stop being a nice girl and set boundaries for yourself. I believe my generation was raised to think we needed to be the peacemakers at home and never make a big fuss about problems in the family. Our voices become small as voicing our opinion or disagreeing with our family is not expected. NO MORE! You don’t need to be a nice girl anymore. Learn how to say “no” or “that is not what I need right now!” Set firm boundaries for yourself. Whether it is a family member, a friend, or a coworker, you need to stop letting people walk all over you. YOU can learn to say no and let others understand that “NO, means NO! Establishing firm boundaries for yourself is a priority if you want to begin a new, more independent life.

5- Your needs are your priority. As a mother and a teacher, I relegated my own needs in favor of those of my family and my students. This is another mistake we should not make in our lives. It is your responsibility to find your voice and to have your needs met. You must make others know what your needs are, and stop assuming people know them. 

6- Get out there and get to know your surroundings if you are in a new locale. If there is a coffee shop in your area, become a regular for a while. As you get to know the servers, they will get to know you. This will encourage you to get out and meet new people in the process

“I feel I am lucky to have another chance to rebuild my life the way I chose.”

The journey is long and arduous, but not impossible. It takes determination and the support of great people around you. If you, like me, find yourself single unexpectedly, you are lucky, you have another chance to rebuild your life the way you chose. It could be the best thing that has happened to you, yet! Go for it! ¡Si se puede!!!

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