Live Your Life Your Way by Abbie Vanessa

Live Your Life Your Way

By Abbie Vanessa

Listen up, and hope this sticks. I’m sure you guys have heard this regularly, but there are still a lot of people out there that are still allowing others to guide the way you view life. I find myself envisioning my life daily, and it makes me so excited. The second I tell someone about it there’s always a side comment or an unwanted opinion. We are all experiencing different events so why would I listen to someone who isn’t on the same wave.

I am living my life based on everything that I have chosen to have and not have in my life. I’m not following a guideline because it’s basic. It doesn’t fit and won’t fit, so I don’t want to play Follow the Leader. I’m that person that will walk along with people not behind them.

I came from a family that helped me to the max when it comes to life.
Being the only girl and the youngest in the family, I got the most direction and protection from everyone. I had a safety net my whole life, but the day I got emotionally hurt in a relationship, I felt so lost, and I knew I couldn’t have everyone direct the way I live my life.

I’m no Mr. Clean and damn right I’m no housewife.”

If my family had it their way, I would have been forced to do the traditional route. School until I’m 26, find a husband, have kids, and die being a housewife and cleaning after everyone. Let me tell you I’m no Mr. Clean and damn right I’m no housewife.

I grew up watching my mother sacrifice her life to take care of my brothers and me. Making sure the house was perfect for us. Now that we are older, it looks like she is a bit lost. She started working about 4 years ago and is finally getting used to having her own life again, but she was terrified. I continuously tell myself I do not want that for me. So I challenge myself to make life a bit different every day.

I knew college was not going to work for me. My talents would go to waste if I stayed in a classroom reading up on things I can give two shits about. I pushed my friends and family to get comfortable with me, not accepting what they want me to do, and now they are impressed to see where I’m at.

“I will not know how to live life if you and dad constantly save me.”

One day, I asked one of my coworkers what her view was on how to live life. She has a daughter my age; she said one day, her daughter said, “You need to let me fall and get hurt because I will not know how to live life if you and dad constantly save me. You guys try to protect me and make sure I do the right things because you have been there and done that, but I won’t have you forever and can’t depend on you to be my safety net.” This made me so happy because I can imagine how hard it is to be a parent. To want to protect your child from harm, but I’ve learned the hard way that parents will never avoid it.

As individuals, we learn how to figure out solutions and how to cope with what life throws at you. You should live your life the way you want it to be. Don’t waste time pleasing others boo. People only view your life for a few seconds, and honestly, unless that person is next to me 24/7 I’m not letting anyone direct the way I see or live it.

If you are happy, have a home (regardless if it’s alone, with roommates, or with family), food to eat…you are doing great, sweetie. Spend your time doing things that make you happy.

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How I am Adapting and Learning to Co-Parent by Rei

How I am Adapting and Learning to Co-Parent

By Rei

One of the main reasons that I was hesitant to get a divorce was because of the idea of co-parenting. I didn’t want my children to get confused having different rules. At the time of my divorce, my kids were only 5 and 1. We went through many changes: new environments such as school, living place/area. It was a tough year, my kids and I were living in LA while my ex was living in Canada for work.

Since the kids were so young, I had to be with them every second. I was always extremely exhausted and many times I seriously thought I would not survive another day. I didn’t know how to ask for help.

My main focus was my kids not being sad. I made sure that they were always tired going to bed. With kindergarten ending at noon, we spent hours at the park every single day or arranged play dates. I am fortunate and grateful to have amazing people around me while I was going through the most difficult time. 

I am fortunate and grateful to have amazing people around me.”

The following year, their dad came back to the US. It was quite an argument in the beginning as he forgot how to take care of kids. And of course, we are different people. Though I personally don’t want to spend time with my ex, we spent many events together. I share pictures and videos for any missed events.  All for the kids. I want my kids to grow up with their dad since he wants to be around them. I have the role of the tough parent, and go through non-fun activities with them but that’s ok. We both express our love for the kids in different ways.  As kids are growing up, they have less physical care from parents; I think we came to the point that we no longer have much disagreement. (Hopefully!) I am also learning to ask for help. “Receiving is giving.”

“Receiving is giving.”

One thing I finally got from the divorce was appreciation from my ex. He always had something to say about my motherhood. I don’t need anyone’s approval. But I only wanted to be approved by him that I am a good mother.I guess because being a mom is not something that comes naturally to me. I have to put in extra work. He finally realized and saw that after the divorce. 

I don’t regret for one second getting divorced. I had held on to the idea of being ”married” and “family” for so long that I lost the true meaning of marriage and family. No matter what the relationship between my ex-husband and I is, we both love our children. 

“As long as they feel the love from us, I know they will be ok.”

I was always there for my kids. My kids always have happy drawings and their behaviors seem ok so far. They are both caring children. As long as they feel the love from us, I know they will be ok. 

After all, everything happens for a reason.

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My New Journey: Writing A Blog by Rei

My New Journey: Writing A Blog

By Rei

Writing a blog is just hard….at least for me. I had no idea how challenging this would be. 

When I was first approached with this opportunity, my reaction was “Why do I want to tell the world my life, especially things that I overcome?? You know that I am private.” Their vision was by sharing my story I could heal myself and others.

Never thought of that. I said “YES” immediately. It was unlike me. Something inside answered for me and told me that I had to go with the flow. This opportunity came for a reason. As I always say that everything happens for a reason. 

Months went by, I no longer feel the need of healing myself, yet I still want to be a part of spreading the love by sharing my stories. Even if I can only reach a single person’s heart. 

“I want to be a part of spreading the love by sharing my stories.”

I am not a good writer neither in Japanese nor English… I realized that through this process. 

Last week, the Coronavirus topic was just hard to put together. My mind was just all over the place with different thoughts and experiences. The more I have to clarify my writing, the more frustrated I get because they don’t understand me…trapped by low energy. Besides daily stress, being a mom and now a teacher because of quarantine, I now have more stress because of the blog. I had self doubt doing the blog. That is when low-self esteem hits.

Being a part of this community is my new journey.”

Life is just so unexpected. Though we all choose our own paths before being born. Being a part of this community is my new journey. Please bear with me. 

P.S. Being a teacher is a HARD JOB!

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