How I am Adapting and Learning to Co-Parent
One of the main reasons that I was hesitant to get a divorce was because of the idea of co-parenting. I didn’t want my children to get confused having different rules. At the time of my divorce, my kids were only 5 and 1. We went through many changes: new environments such as school, living place/area. It was a tough year, my kids and I were living in LA while my ex was living in Canada for work.
Since the kids were so young, I had to be with them every second. I was always extremely exhausted and many times I seriously thought I would not survive another day. I didn’t know how to ask for help.
My main focus was my kids not being sad. I made sure that they were always tired going to bed. With kindergarten ending at noon, we spent hours at the park every single day or arranged play dates. I am fortunate and grateful to have amazing people around me while I was going through the most difficult time.
“I am fortunate and grateful to have amazing people around me.”
The following year, their dad came back to the US. It was quite an argument in the beginning as he forgot how to take care of kids. And of course, we are different people. Though I personally don’t want to spend time with my ex, we spent many events together. I share pictures and videos for any missed events. All for the kids. I want my kids to grow up with their dad since he wants to be around them. I have the role of the tough parent, and go through non-fun activities with them but that’s ok. We both express our love for the kids in different ways. As kids are growing up, they have less physical care from parents; I think we came to the point that we no longer have much disagreement. (Hopefully!) I am also learning to ask for help. “Receiving is giving.”
“Receiving is giving.”
One thing I finally got from the divorce was appreciation from my ex. He always had something to say about my motherhood. I don’t need anyone’s approval. But I only wanted to be approved by him that I am a good mother.I guess because being a mom is not something that comes naturally to me. I have to put in extra work. He finally realized and saw that after the divorce.
I don’t regret for one second getting divorced. I had held on to the idea of being ”married” and “family” for so long that I lost the true meaning of marriage and family. No matter what the relationship between my ex-husband and I is, we both love our children.
“As long as they feel the love from us, I know they will be ok.”
I was always there for my kids. My kids always have happy drawings and their behaviors seem ok so far. They are both caring children. As long as they feel the love from us, I know they will be ok.
After all, everything happens for a reason.
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My New Journey: Writing A Blog
Writing a blog is just hard….at least for me. I had no idea how challenging this would be.
When I was first approached with this opportunity, my reaction was “Why do I want to tell the world my life, especially things that I overcome?? You know that I am private.” Their vision was by sharing my story I could heal myself and others.
Never thought of that. I said “YES” immediately. It was unlike me. Something inside answered for me and told me that I had to go with the flow. This opportunity came for a reason. As I always say that everything happens for a reason.
Months went by, I no longer feel the need of healing myself, yet I still want to be a part of spreading the love by sharing my stories. Even if I can only reach a single person’s heart.
“I want to be a part of spreading the love by sharing my stories.”
I am not a good writer neither in Japanese nor English… I realized that through this process.
Last week, the Coronavirus topic was just hard to put together. My mind was just all over the place with different thoughts and experiences. The more I have to clarify my writing, the more frustrated I get because they don’t understand me…trapped by low energy. Besides daily stress, being a mom and now a teacher because of quarantine, I now have more stress because of the blog. I had self doubt doing the blog. That is when low-self esteem hits.
“Being a part of this community is my new journey.”
Life is just so unexpected. Though we all choose our own paths before being born. Being a part of this community is my new journey. Please bear with me.
P.S. Being a teacher is a HARD JOB!
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Manifesting My Pug Dreams
MY DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE! I have always loved the idea of owning a pug. It was my mission to manifest my pug dreams.
I loved this beautiful creature long before meeting him. Winston Pasqual Frijolito is the name of my baby boy. Let me tell you he is far from boring! If he was a human he would be the guy you would love to be around. So confidently dorky that it made him so likable.
I waited a few years before actually getting him. Mostly because I wanted to make sure I would be able to give him the best life. I am talking about the spoiled life. About a year ago I told myself that it was time. I was finally in a position at work where my hours were flexible enough to own my dream pug, and to be able to have him with me 24/7. Living at home brought a big challenge my way. What is that challenge?? Well, I call her “Mom.”
My mom is a very neat and organized person. Having an inside dog would interfere with her spotless house. Frustration would take over my mother whenever the conversation of me randomly showing up with a pug would come up. I thought to myself.. how will I get this woman to love pugs as much as I do? I decided to go to Michael’s Arts and Craft store to buy paint and the biggest canvases I could find. My diabolical plan was in full effect: paint pugs in different situations and outfits with the hope she would fall in love with them. Along with bombarding her phone with cute pug photos. I would randomly text her photos of pugs while she was at work just to keep them relevant.
Let me tell you guys… My plan worked!! I knew harassing her with pug photos and paintings would eventually break the woman!! All the cuteness could not be ignored! I played it off like I wasn’t the happiest person on earth. Told her I’ll look into a few pups. We had a talk about how he would be an inside dog. Once I moved away she wouldn’t have to worry about it.
“I was going to manifest my dream of having a pug no matter what.”
I was looking up different rescues for months; it was exhausting! My goal was to adopt a pug that was at least a year old. It was such a hard search because there were so many requirements to even apply to adopt. Then one day, a friend sent me a post of this female pug that needed a new home; she was a year and a half. I thought OMG, I need to jump on this quickly.
I checked off all of the requirements asked for. The adoption lady kept postponing meeting up. It was frustrating. I waited for two weeks and I never got a call saying if I was getting her or not. The day after new years I said “Fuck it I’m going to look online one more time.” I was going to manifest my dream of having a pug no matter what. I came across a man who had one pug puppy left from the litter. I was hesitant at first because puppies are a lot of work. Especially, since I had envisioned myself adopting an older dog. Was I prepared to be the mom of a baby pug? As soon as I saw the photo of him the answer was “Hell YES!”
The day I picked up my little one was the best day of my life! I can’t imagine my life without him anymore. He was born on November 10th, which is now a date I will definitely never forget. A day that will forever be engraved in my heart. I wake up every morning to his handsome face. Everything I’ve ever wanted is right in front of me. He is a little sassy with a lot of personality. I am proud to say that is all me right there.
“Everything I’ve ever wanted is right in front of me.“
The toughest part about this experience was getting the confidence and believing that I would be a great dog parent. Regardless of what others say about getting an animal. It’s funny how people inflict fear and doubt when I brought up the idea of me one day owning my pug. Here’s the thing, I understand that there’s a different level of responsibility about owning another living creature, but I did not listen to anybody except myself.
My entire life has been filled with unpredictable, hard, shitty situations I still figured them out and bounced back. I figured, I rather live this life with the one thing I know will make me the happiest and no one can stop me. I control manifesting my happiness. Winston Pasquale Frijolito is the best gift this world has ever provided for me (also my family and friends, but this is not about them right now).
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