Why Did The Narcissist Choose Me? by Marquesa Lola

Why Did The Narcissist Choose Me?

By Marquesa Lola

This is Marquesa Lola thinking out loud. I have always asked myself why did the narcissist choose me as a partner? He had met many other girls before me. On the day he noticed me, he was not sober, and he could have forgotten about me the next day. But, he came back to see me over and over, even though I was not particularly interested in him. Of course, after a couple of weeks, he had created a web in which he has trapped me for decades. But why me? Did I have specific weaknesses, qualities,  or traits that attracted him to me? What were those traits?

Related Posts: Dealing with a Narcissist

The more I learn about narcissism, the more I see how I fit the profile of a person a narcissist would choose for a partner. When I met him, I was young and pretty, sharp, and compassionate. At that time, I had firm beliefs and many aspirations for my life. I wanted to change the world for the best. I had strong family support and felt loved by many. At that time, I was an extrovert and a dreamer. I was living the best time of my life, and I was confident and happy. Then, I met him.

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Narcissists are drawn to people who will nurture their ego.”

To begin with, a narcissist looks for a person who will be devoted to him. Narcissists are drawn to people who make them look good about themselves, people who will nurture their ego. They look for empathic people who validate their feelings, overlook their flaws, and who will not likely leave them during the narcissistic abuse. That is precisely what I provided for my narcissist. During our life together, I validated his ideas, choices, and family decisions. If those decisions were not to my full conformity, he managed to overrule my opinions, and I just let it happen rather than engage in a session of narcissistic rage.

Narcissists and empaths tend to attract each other. Narcissists see someone they can use, and empaths see someone they can help and fix. As an empath, I often want to please others and not disappoint anyone, which makes it hard for me to set boundaries, especially with manipulative people. This is one of the reasons why it has been effortless for my narcissist to take advantage of me. He knew that as an empath, I would rather fight to save the relationship and that I would never give up easily on my beloved ones. Certainly, I did not give up even though I knew that I was not in a loving relationship. I sucked it up and tolerated the manipulation to a degree. I was an easy target for him. 

Narcissists and empaths tend to attract each other. Narcissists see someone they can use, and empaths see someone they can help and fix.

A common misconception is that a narcissist looks for a weak person to manipulate. But, in my research, I found the opposite. He actually looks for a person who has talents, healthy family relations, and careers that have good standing in the eyes of others.  All these make him feel special through association.  

Narcissists have low self-esteem. I believe they are attracted to someone who reflects well on them in the eyes of others. This way they feel important. At the time I met him, I knew a lot of people. I think that was one of the traits that he thought was advantageous to him. He was popular because I was popular. However,  he tried to reduce the circle of my friends as time went by. Luckily, I did not allow him to separate me from my friends and family, and that has helped me cope with my life on many occasions.

More often than not, a relationship with a narcissist is all about control. He feels powerful in taking down someone who appears mentally, physically, or emotionally stable. That way, he feels more accomplished if he succeeds in tearing you down. As a young adult, I was a competent young woman. I was strong and independent. After years with him, I found myself doubting every move I made. I went through a series of self-doubt episodes that triggered severe anxiety and depression that lasted for years. 

“A relationship with a narcissist is all about control.”

I understand now how I was trapped in a relationship with a narcissist. I finally understand why a narcissist did choose me. Still, it has taken me 40 years to realize how, gradually, I was made believe I was at fault for the deficits in our relationship. The traits that once were what attracted him to me became weaknesses in his eyes. I began to believe the reason I was not loved by him was my fault to the point that I became a shadow of the person I once was. 

Once I was discarded by the narcissist, I understood that my life had been full of drama and heartache.  Once you admit you are in a toxic relationship, you need to take charge of your life. It is never too late to mend yourself after such a relationship. It takes time, but detaching from the past sure makes you smarter and a stronger person. Once you learn it was not you, it was HIM, your second chance in life begins again!!!

Related Posts: How to Rethink Your Life After Your Lover Betrays You

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What All My Birthdays Have Taught Me by Rei

What All My Birthdays Have Taught Me

By Rei

I just had my birthday.

My two children kept reminding me about my birthday and how old I will be at least six months prior as if I were looking forward to it. Sadly, it gets to my subconscious, and I answer my coming age as my current age. However, to my children, birthdays are the most important day of the year. They are already planning their next birthday the day after their birthday. I see my birthday different from years ago. After all these years, my birthdays have taught me that it is more like a time for self-confirmation if I have wisdom, live purposefully, and have self-love. Along with this, I have been working to gain self-love in terms of being kind to myself.


“My birthday is more like a time for self-confirmation, live purposefully, and have self-love.”  

When I first moved to LA from NY, I was shocked by the culture here that is under the pressure of being “beautiful.” The amount of advertisement for plastic surgery was just beyond. Because of Hollywood, I believe that many people are under pressure. Besides, the definition of beauty is based on what the media created. I have seen how the media portrays beautiful people, even if they are NOT 100% natural. 

Even when you go get a facial, they offer you Botox as if I need it! How rude! Lol. In general, that’s how numb our society has become. I worked for the apparel industry for a long time, attended New York fashion week, seen top models, and have been surrounded by self-conscious people. I never understood why we have to alter ourselves to achieve this beauty. We are no less when we don’t meet the image. 

Sometimes, I give attention to certain parts of my body. I’ve learned from a friend, we decide our appearances, as well as our lives before we were born to experience all. I am more interested in balancing my inner self and having healthier habits such as healthier food choices, using natural products, regular exercise, the right amount of sleep, and healthy hobbies. Equally, I believe that I have to take care of my body that holds my energy, which gives me experiences in life.

“I am more interested in balancing my inner self and having healthier habits.”

It is about feeling free, accepting, and embracing instead of focusing on what is missing. Importantly, as I am with this body longer each year, it is ultimately mastering self-love.

It is about feeling free, accepting, and embracing. It is mastering self-love

Breathing fresh air at the beach was the perfect way to reconnect with the Earth

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Water Is Not Just Water by Rei

Water Is Not Just Water

By Rei

Water is my first option to drink throughout the day, besides 2 cups of coffee and a glass of Pinot Noir occasionally. I acknowledge caffeine and alcohol dehydrate the body.

Years ago, I learned the benefits of water. It gives me much more gratitude, and I drink water more often. But water is not just water. Water doesn’t only hydrate the body; it also absorbs human consciousness and changes its molecules. Therefore, water can be used for manifestation. 

I educate my children about food and drinks instead of just saying “no.” They will know the consequences of what they put in their bodies. Thankfully, they choose to drink water on their own. 

“Water is not just water. Water can be used for manifestation. “

Studies show up to 60% of the human adult body is water—about 75% for children, and about 50% for the elderly. 

Water hydrates our bodies. So, not retaining enough water affects our bodies at different levels. In addition, water helps to detox, deliver oxygen, nutrients, nerve transmission, energy, etc. through the body. Therefore it means that dehydration can affect joints, muscle pains, hyperactivity, emotions, immune system, rejuvenation of skin, etc. 

“Water helps to detox, deliver oxygen, nutrients, nerve transmission, energy, etc. through the body.

Even if we have enough water throughout the day, the cells or specific parts could be dehydrated. As an example, BodyTalk balances hydration if it comes out as a priority during the session. 

There is a fascinating study of water conducted by Dr. Masaru Emoto, a scientist. His study of water has proof that human consciousness impacts the physical realm. By producing different focused intentions through written/spoken words as well as music and presenting it to the same water samples, the water appears to “change its expression.” 

Having gratitude and love towards water changes its molecule. By drinking, it will change its molecular structure to suit the person. You can find his study at (https://www.masaru-emoto.net/en/crystal/) Sharing this study to my children, they whisper to their water, “I love you.” So cute!

Having gratitude and love towards water changes its molecule

As Dr. Emoto’s study proves, water takes on our intentions. For instance, Quantum Jumping Two Cups is one of the techniques to use for manifestation. I did this one year ago. Besides, I have tried different kinds of experiments to move forward in my life.

The technique is based on Parallel Universes. Meaning there are other versions of ourselves in a multiverse. This method is used to live the manifested version of yourself. 

You’ll need:

  • Two empty glasses. 
  • Two pieces of paper. On one, write your current situation you wish to change. On the other, what you want the situation to manifest into.
  • Stick each paper on different empty glasses.
  • Pour water in the glass that has the current situation. 
  • Take a moment to experience your current circumstances. 
  • Pour the water in the empty glass with what you want to manifest.
  • Visualize and feel when you manifest.
  • Drink the water with a great feeling engulfing your body.
  • Forget about it! 

I don’t remember what my intention was as it says, “Forget about it” Hahaha, But I am sure it came true! 

Additionally, another experiment I did was, “Know Your Guardian Angel is Here for You.” When you do this experiment and the taste of the tea changes, you know your Guardian Angel is looking out for you. 

What you need to do:

  • Make a tea, then drink up to ⅔ cup. 
  • Then offer the rest to your Guardian Angel with gratitude.
  • Wait for 10 seconds.
  • Drink the rest.

The taste of the tea suddenly changes after you offer it to your guardian angel. Importantly, it is recommended that you do this when you are in a good mood/high vibration. Well, it worked for me. Therefore, it is proven to me that water is affected by your frequency. 

Water is not just water. Its frequency proves that human consciousness affects the earth. It is all about vibration.

Focus on good things, and keep your vibrations high! 

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The Power of Crystals aka Power Stones by Rei

The Power of Crystals, aka Power Stones

By Rei

Crystals, aka power stones, hold a special place for me. I love them and have them around me all the time. 

My spiritual journey all began from there. I used to not believe in crystal healings. Thinking that some wealthy people didn’t know what to do with their money. I was desperate for my marriage. By this time, we already tried both, couples’ and individual counseling and personal development classes. One day, crystal ad popped up while I was browsing the web. So I thought, if the stones can make the situation better, I will give a try.

I signed up for a class you could call “Crystal Stones 101” at House of Intuition, in Silverlake, CA. Well, it was very unlike for me to sign up for something before I got more information. It was a crystal bowl meditation class. Meditation was not in my life at that time. I am thankful that I did not read carefully the description of the class. I wouldn’t sign up if I had read through the class description. However, having already paid for the class, I decided to take it.

“I experienced intense energies like energy detox.”

I followed the instructions, closed my eyes, and relaxed. As the class goes by, I started to see wheels of colors before the instructor mentioned each color I opened my eyes to look for the tricks that they have in the room and nothing! I continued to experience the colors until the end of class. After, I realized that I felt refreshed. I learned what I saw in the class were Chakras. When you just experienced something out of the blue, you know it is real. Soon after, I signed up for the Reiki circle. Though I am Japanese, I didn’t exactly know what Reiki was. Here again, I experienced intense energies like energy detox. I was drawn to this, and it led me to become a Reiki Practitioner. 

Each Power Stone has Different Energy and Meaning”

Each power stone has different energy and meaning. The stones absorb negative energy from the outer force and protect, or balance you. It also can set an intention. Power stones don’t need to be an expensive piece; they are affordable, and you need to find the one that matches best with you.

Since crystals absorb energies, they need to be cleansed. Each stone has a different way to cleanse, such as Moonlight, Sunlight, Sea Salt Water, Sage, Reiki, etc. I use stones for Reiki sessions. I find that they help to balance the energies. 

“The stones absorb negative energy from the outer force and protect, or balance you.”

Some crystals don’t work well together. Once, through a remote session of Bodytalk, the stones in the client’s room needed to be balanced. Of course, I didn’t know anything about her stones in her bedroom. It was affecting her energy. Some of my friends connect with each stone on a much deeper level. 

In the end, stones didn’t save my marriage, but it led me to where I am. A spiritual path is giving me a deeper meaning of life. Everything happens for a reason. 

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How Bodytalk Balances My Well Being by Rei

How Bodytalk Balances My Well Being

By Rei

Being a mom, balancing myself is very important for me. One way I balance my well being is Bodytalk. The reason why I decided to be a practitioner is because their teaching is basically what I had interests and learned myself for all these years. For years I look for my passion, what I meant to do. Being in a matrix of Bodytalk, able to learn about body and mind, give sessions to clients definitely helps me for who I became as well. I know this is something I have a passion for as my vibration gets high.

I used to be a client of Bodytalk. How did I get to know the Bodytalk? Years ago, I had this unknown stomach ache that appeared just about an hour before getting up every morning. Though it is hard to believe that it was related to what I ate the night before, I was eliminating what could be. I tried anything to relax. Yet, nothing took the pain away.

One day, I happened to bump into one of my mom’s friends at the park. For some reason I felt I should bring up the stomachache I would get every morning. She asked if I had ever heard of something called Bodytalk, a technique which involves communicating with your body to resolve what needs to be balanced. She told me due to stress, half her body paralyzed, and Bodytalk helped her recover dramatically. Without any doubts, I drove 1.5 hour to get a Bodytalk session.

“Bodytalk involves communicating with your body to resolve what needs to be balanced.”

During the session, the practitioner told me that my stress level was maximized. I get this comment often anywhere I go… Stress is one of the things that’s hard to measure. Who doesn’t have stress?? Apparently, stress was creating the pain which was ready to be released. Most of the pain went away with one BodyTalk session.  With many sessions, it helped me not only physically but mentally. Experiencing the benefits Bodytalk had with my body and mind I decided to become a BodyTalk practitioner,  to not only help myself but others as well.

“There are numerous benefits to BodyTalk. It helps in many ways. Among other beneficiaries, it helps to get a general state of relaxation, mental clarity, and harmony, reduce stress, accelerate the recuperation from injury, improve sleep, release and liberate blocked emotions, decreased pain levels, reduce allergic reactions, and strengthen the immune system. The main goal is to find a balance between the body, mind, and spirit.”

(Reference https://www.bodytalksystem.com/learn/bodytalk/)

“The main goal is to find a balance between the body, mind, and spirit.”

With my personal experiences, in order to heal the specific issue of the body, you have to heal the layers of the core issue first. Though it might be an event you went through that no longer serves you, the body remembers. Things you don’t even care about, the body cares…other peoples emotions can also affect you.  Bodytalk brings those matters up when the body is ready to release them. Everything has the right timing. For the last 5 years I have suffered from shoulder pain.  My mind has been eager to let go of the pain, but my body has been fighting me. Recently, the healing process has finally begun!!

Bodytalk is non- invasive and can be done to your pets and kids too. I give my children BodyTalk sessions all the time to improve their overall health.  Bodytalk sessions could be in person or done remotely.

“Bodytalk is non- invasive and can be done to your pets and kids too.”

 If you are interested please contact peacefulbodyhealing@gmail.com for your personal Bodytalk session. For more information check out www.peacefulbodyhealing.com

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